batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
