Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
