I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
