My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
