think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
