its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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