I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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