i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
