i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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