Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
