worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
