Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
