Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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