the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
