That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
