When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
