just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
