I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She bit a glass in half.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
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