Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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