So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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