i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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