If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
