You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
