My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
