i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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