P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
