I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
