she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
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I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
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Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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