The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
