If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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