I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
