woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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