Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
