she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
