hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
