I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
