This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
