I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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