I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
