She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
