He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
