There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
