OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
