He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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