he thought i was a dude.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
