why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
