It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
