AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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