ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
