Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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