do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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