just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
