Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
