saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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