Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.