No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick