It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
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I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.