Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.