Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.