I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?