Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.

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(248): Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german. http://tfl.nu/j5lm

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(630): View more from Illinois

i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate

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(630) i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate http://tfl.nu/ziyg

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(541): View more from Oregon

I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night

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(541): I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night http://tfl.nu/6f3k

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(817): View more from Texas

they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life

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(817): they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life http://tfl.nu/g989

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(909): View more from California

is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?

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(909): is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier? http://tfl.nu/2449

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(419): View more from Ohio

Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico

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(419): Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico http://tfl.nu/934w

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(254): View more from Texas

oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick

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(254): oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick http://tfl.nu/vqpx

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'

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(215): just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.' http://tfl.nu/h44o

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(845): View more from New York

you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic

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(845): you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic http://tfl.nu/aiqs

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(613): View more from Ontario

You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.

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(613): You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again. http://tfl.nu/k6jo

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.

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(504): I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex. http://tfl.nu/xk62

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(916): View more from California

I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?

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(916): I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die? http://tfl.nu/yj8c

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(480): View more from Arizona

I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.

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(480): I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level. http://tfl.nu/m64o

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(254): View more from Texas

you are never too drunk for berry picking

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(254): you are never too drunk for berry picking http://tfl.nu/1gaj

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(214): View more from Texas

I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.

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(214): I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports. http://tfl.nu/apdh

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