Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
