It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos