My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
