Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
