as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize