I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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