How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
