I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
