I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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