hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he thought i was a dude.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
