Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
