dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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