I think im going to throw up on grandma
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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