just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
