Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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