I smell stomach acid.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
