is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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