At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
