it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
