Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
