If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
