the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
