Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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