The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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