well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize