Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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