Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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