booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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