you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
