Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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